Posted by: Ben Bell | November 30, 2009

Moratoriums for the Week of 30 November 2009

Keep in mind these bans are as binding as they are inane:

A two year moratorium on making fun of Twitter by saying something like “I don’t care what people are having for lunch,” or “people just say what boring crap they’re doing.”

Did you live a life free of people’s boring/irrelevant stories before Twitter?  No.  Be it by phone, e-mail, talking, Facebook, smoke signals; anyone can tell you stupid stuff about their life at any time.  So quit singling out Twitter like that platform invented it.

If you really want to stop hearing from dumb people, I suggest you run into an abandoned coal mine and blow up the entrance behind you.  But even then someone might come to rescue you, only to tell you what they had for lunch!

Oh yeah, and

A six month ban on Levi Johnston stories in the Huffington Post. Seriously, look at this.  This site’s desperate need for dirt on Sarah Palin has turned into some bizarre infatuation with one of the planet’s least newsworthy individuals.

I think a little time away from LJ is what HuffPost needs to totally realize there are better things to put on your site such as click-baiting celebrity slideshows and promoting pseudoscience.

A two week price ceiling on kittens. I absolutely refuse to spend more than $200 on a Scottish Fold, so I’m setting the price right now like some kind of kitten czar.  But don’t worry, William F. Buckley’s Ghost, you’ll have your precious free market back in a scant two weeks.  That’s plenty of time for me to ask my parents for money to “pay bills.”  Which, as usual, I will blow on a sack of exotic kittens.

I guess that will do it for now.  Now go drink and be merry (until Jan. 3, 2014).


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